


The abyss also gazes into you

by vogue91



Series: Playlist Challenge [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Drabble Collection, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-25 22:25:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16669486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: Playlist challenge, depiction of various characters up until 14th season.





	The abyss also gazes into you

**Characters:** Diane Turner, Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan, Emily Prentiss, Aaron Hotchner, Jennifer Jareau, David Rossi, Penelope Garcia

 **Pairings:** Spencer Reid/Maeve Donovan; Emily Prentiss/Ian Doyle; Aaron Hotchner/HaleyBrooks; Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid.

 **Rating:** PG

 **Warnings:** Mild spoilers up to the 14th season.

**The Truth Beneath the Rose – Within Temptation**

She’s watched him.

He would understand her, she’s sure.

Diane has tried to calm her instincts, has tried to control herself.

Not anymore.

Maeve has to pay for what she’s done to her.

She has everything. She’s respected, she’s smart. She doesn’t actually deserve dr. Reid, just like she didn’t deserve her fiancée.

Diane has started taking everything from her, and she’s gonna go on until she’ll have nothing left.

Until she won’t have her freedom, until she won’t have Spencer Reid.

And then, just when she’ll hear her beg, she’ll be pitiful and take her life.

She’s gonna make sure Maeve Donovan understands what she’s paying for.

 

**Let it Go - Frozen**

Three weeks, twenty-three hours, fifty-nine minutes, sixteen seconds.

Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen.

He’s surprised he can still count. He can still think.

He’s never being happy, nor sad. There have been things in his life he has been mad about, his mother’s illness, his father abandoning them, Gideon leaving him behind.

He’s sure, though, he’s never felt such a deep pain.

Spencer didn’t even think about the Dilaudid. He doesn’t need to escape this reality, he doesn’t want to feel dizzy like that.

He needs to remember. Needs to remember Maeve dying in his arms, her face, the sound of her voice, how they talked, how she was able to make him laugh.

He hears knocking on the door, again, but he won’t answer.

Three weeks and one day.

He isn’t ready, yet.

 

**Wild Child – Enya**

He watches him.

Intently, like he’s never gonna stop looking.

It kills him leaving this place, it kills him leaving Hotch, Rossi, JJ, his baby girl.

But nothing hurts so much as leaving Reid.

“Hey, kid...” Derek tries, but Reid is defensive.

“What?” he forces a smile. “Don’t think you’re getting rid of me just because you’re quitting the job. I want to be invited to dinner at least once a month.” he looks toward Savannah. “I want to see how a child of yours turns out anyway. Besides, there’s got to be someone in his life to make him do all the cool stuff. You know, like watching Star Trek or learn a foreign language. And I think...” Derek stops him. He hugs him, he keeps him tight in his arms and he doesn’t want to let him go.

“More than once a month, kid.” he says, trying to avoid crying, cause he’s done too much of that lately. “You’re family, you know that.”

And Reid can’t force a smile anymore, and lets go to that embrace.

“I’ll miss you, Derek. I...”

 _“_ I know. I’ll miss you too _, Spencer._ ” he says, and he wishes he didn’t have to go.

But it does, it kills him, and it always will.

 

**Se Deja Llevar – Antonio Orozco**

 

She’s tried so hard not to feel anything during these past months.

She can’t, and she’s tired of trying.

She _likes_ it. She likes Doyle’s hands on her, she likes the way he makes her feel for that little while, when they’re in his bed and he tells her that she’s the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen in his life.

After that, in the morning, alone and naked in that same bed, Emily despises herself.

It’s unprofessional, wrong, _filthy._ Maybe it’s the same reason why Interpol sent her to him, but she doesn’t care, she’s not doing it because it’s her job, she’s doing it because she loves it, and she fears the moment when she’ll have to turn him in, put Doyle away forever.

There are going to be consequences for her acts, consequences from the Interpol and from Doyle, she’s going to be destroyed and probably dead, but she couldn’t care less.

As long as she was allowed to keep those little moments of lies, she was content.

 

**A Case of You – Joni Mitchell**

 

Her family had told her when they got married.

Aaron remembers it like it was yesterday; they were so young, so foolish, and so terribly in love.

If he thinks about it now, it’s like he’s remembering another man’s memories, but it’s his face he’s looking at.

Younger, happier, when he was still able to smile and mean it.

He can’t do that anymore. He laughs with Jack, sometimes with their colleagues, seldom with other women, but he never truly feels it.

Foyet brought his smiles into his grave. This job took them away before Haley died, when she had become a stranger to him.

How could he let things go this far?

When did he become the man he is now, the man who’s so afraid to lose what little he’s got left that he can’t even allow himself to be serene?

Aaron looks at his son and sighs.

There’s so much of her in him it almost scares him.

What’s the point in protecting him if his own son can’t remember a time when his father used to laugh?

But he can’t, not yet; when he’ll feel safe, probably. When he’ll forget, maybe.

Or never, and this is what he’s bound to be.

_I’m sorry, Haley._

**Unforgivable Sinner – Lene Marlin**

 

Hastings.

At times like these, she should be thinking it’s obvious, but it’s not.

Now the wounds, the tortures are not what hurts the most.

That burning sense of betrayal, the knowledge of having been so stupid, that’s worse than anything they can inflict to her.

JJ forces herself to think about good things.

She thinks about Hotch and Rossi, and Spence and Derek, about Garcia, how much she’d be worried right now.

About Will. About Henry. About that nameless child she could’ve had and lost.

But it’s a dangerous road to take right now, so she tries to focus on the face in front of her, what she’d do to him if she was free, how she’d make him pay.

And seeing in her mind Hastings crawling on the floor, covered in blood, asking for pity, Jennifer can keep on taking everything he’s got to give.

 

**Addicted – Kelly Clarkson**

 

He’s lost everything, found a few things, kept nothing.

David Rossi’s mask speaks of a man who’s gotten everything he could’ve possibly wished for in life, a man with success, fame, with the job he loves and which had turned him into someone capable of looking into the abysses of the human mind without being sucked inside them.

He’s not.

The job he loves has turned him into some weird race of a monster, has turned him into someone who looks evil in the eyes and doesn’t flinch. He’s lost the capability of getting horrified, just like he had lost that of walking away when it gets too much; just because it never does.

He has lost wives and lives to this job, but he keeps coming back, because that room and that screen with dead, missing, mauled people on it, it’s the only family he’s got left.

And he will keep looking into the abyss, because he can’t afford losing this too.

 

**Bored to Death – Blink 182**

It was harder than she would’ve thought at first.

At some point down the road she had gotten split in two, and from then in three, and so on.

There were so many versions of Emily Prentiss, and she was having a hard time recognizing the real one.

When they had appointed her as chief of the BAU though, she had realized all of a sudden that this Emily had to be the definitive one, that there was no coming back; Lauren had been dead for the longest time, SSA Prentiss was too, the Emily living in Paris and working for the Interpol had no more room to exist.

She was the boss, and as such was destined to watch and scold her friends and co-workers whenever they did something one of the previous Emily would’ve done too.

 

**Just a Ride – Jem**

Coming back to life was hard.

Penelope had seen her friends – her family, really, no matter the family she referred to – do that dozens of times, so many that they had actually tricked her into believing it was an easy thing to do.

She couldn’t take it. She couldn’t look at her computer, she couldn’t look at names and lies and secrets all day, knowing exactly what each of their victim had been through.

She had been one. A victim.

Penelope had told countless times to countless people that admitting to have been a victim is the first for acceptance.

She just had a long road in front of her before reaching that particular step.

 

**I’m Walking on Sunshine**

“It’s going to be okay, pretty boy. Everything it’s going to be just fine.”

Spencer knew it wasn’t true. He knew there were too many variables, too many things that could’ve gone wrong, and that he wasn’t strong enough to face what was coming without having to seek for outside help.

But the way Morgan looked at him, the voice he had used to reassure him and the way he had always been next to him through the good and the bad, somehow made him want to believe him.

It wasn’t something he could explain and it wasn’t rational, but Derek Morgan was the only man in the whole world capable of kicking the rational out of him, and Spencer loved him for that.

 


End file.
